All talk and no trousers

Going home time on a Friday evening and the PM calls a surprise press conference outside a wet Downing Street. Must be something important to wheel out the wooden lectern so unexpctedly, like the date of the general election perhaps.

But no, the Westminster mediarati had been gathered to provide Dobby the Hogwarts elf with a nationwide platform to lecture the country like a diminutive, egotistical 1950s grammar school headmaster with rhetoric directly from the school of stating the bleeding obvious.

Here is a man who loves the sound of his own voice so much that he assumes any empty old tripe coming out of his mouth will be taken as previously unimparted wisdom by the rest of us.

We all know how George Galloway managed to get back into Parliament, Sunak’s opinion is hardly worth standing in the rain for, especially as the situation is unlikely to last long.

You know how every office has that one attention seeking brat who has to tell everyone else what they’re doing even if it’s just using a photocopier in case the rest of us catch on that they’re actually doing b****r all? Well Dobby is one of those characters – look at me mummy look at me.

Except in his case, he’s supposed to be running the country and just saying something we already know is not going to solve the problem.

“There are forces here at home trying to tear us apart”.

Yes Rishi, and some of them are sat right behind you on those benches!

So what are you going to do about this blame culture and politics of division?

Because labelling any protest one of your would be successors doesn’t agree with as a hate march needs to be stamped on… and sharpish!

……………………………………..

This time next year, as you eat cold baked beans from the tin with maybe a cockroach for roughage, while you scratch at the radiaion sores on your rapidly balding head in the 9x9ft fallout shelter beneath the ruins of what used to be your home, just remember March 4 2024 as the day when it could have been avoided.

But the US Supreme Court decided to ignore the American Constitution, the one thing the rest of the world had always been led to believe was held most dear by the world’s loudest procrastinators, choosing instead to abrogate responsibility and leave it in the lap of the Republican majority Congress.

It was the day that the land of the free truly became land of the cowardly hypocrites.

……………………………………..

When some large bloke in lipgloss going into Celebrity Big Brother begins with “You probably know me from…” chances are I don’t.

Add to that some loud woman who does musicals (I hate musicals), Ekin Who from, I’m guessing Love Island or something, Princess Kate’s black sheep uncle, someone from Corrie (which I’ve never watched) and the Ukranian lad from Strictly whose “I had a grape” puts him on a par with me when it comes to conversing with complete strangers and it’s pretty obvious that not even Sharon Osborne’s face is going to persuade me to watch ITV1 for the next few weeks.

Idiots corner

Tipping Point

Q: How many sides does an isosceles triangle have?

A: 5

Q: Which queen ruled England, Scotland and Ireland from 1702 to 1714?

A: Victoria

Q: Which is the longest river situated entirely in the Czech Republic?

A: The Nile

Also special mention to the woman on Monday who thought C S Lewis wrote 50 Shades of Grey and that orthopaedics was “something to do with feet”.

The Chase

Q: In the rhyme Little Jack Horner, what rhymes with plum?

A: Bum?

I’ve often mentioned how much I hate managementspeak, in particular “moving forward” and “synergy” but one of the legends in their own lunchtime on The Apprentice last week came up with “synergistically”. Where do they find these people?

Advertisement

Edward Case

Columnist