Gratuitously cruel ego-driven ugliness that shames us all

He stands behind a wooden lectern with the words “Stop the boats” emblazoned across it just in case we need reminding why he’s there.

Dobby the Hogwarts Elf begins his latest example of performance politics by blaming Labour lords for using “every trick in the book” to delay his Rwanda bill, conveniently omitting the fact that there are even Tories who don’t see it working as a deterrent to people crossing the channel on inflatable inner tubes.

He went on to insist that the policy on which he has foolishly hung his entire political reputation that flights would begin within 10-12 weeks – “no ifs, no buts” and no matter what the European Court of Human Rights says.

Pointless posturing from the podium over a plan that stands little, if any, chance of achieving its aim.

The ping pong between the Lords and the Commons went on deep into the evening as amendments were rejected by MPs and so on until the inevitable folding of the peers, most of who, as midnight approached, were way past their bedtimes.

Meanwhile, throughout the day Rishi and his lackies used every opportunity to politicise the situation, even to the point of claiming that “people” are frustrated at the opposition’s attempts to sabotage their wishes (I am one of those “people” and it’s certainly not my wish to pay anyone else to deal with our illegal immigration issue, let alone a nation that 30 years ago this very week was engaged in genocide).

I also think that the “people” of Britain are more concrned with the cost of living crisis and the difficulty in getting a GP or dentist appointment than a few hundred people risking their lives.

For the sake of argument, let’s say this gratuitously cruel piece of ego driven ugliness does actually get off the ground, Smear Calmer has already said he will scrap the scheme if Labour wins the next election so at best Dobby would have a couple of months of getting the planes loaded, and it’s still a distinct possibility that the May 2 local election results could trigger a vote of no confidence in the government, which would mean a national ballot at roughly the same time as the flights are due to begin.

Manwhile, it’s hardly ever mentioned, but an important part of the agreement is that if anyone we dump on Rwanda goes on to break the law, they will be sent back to the UK.

So all the unlucky migrants need to do is lift 20 Rothmans and a Crunchie from a Kigali newsagent’s then join the central African branch of Extinction Rebellion or Just Stop Oil and glue themselves to a giraffe. They’ll be back on the barge in Southampton before you can say “legionnaires disease”.

That some of these migrants include Afghans who worked as interpreters with the British Army before being left to their fate at the hands of the Taliban adds an extra layer of shame to what is going on.

Meanwhile, just hours after the bill was passed, five people incluing a seven-year old child died a few hundred metres from the French coast when they fell off a small boat on which more than 100 deperate people had piled onto.

All that money – half a billion quid not counting the individual cost – OUR money, all to bolster the stubborn persistance of a man with no plan B, no empathy and political future.

Call me a grumpy old git, but I was outraged last week when I witnessed a dog walker allowing their border collie to do its business on a neighbour’s front lawn. The fact that she was standing in wait with a poo bag was irrelevant and had it occurred on my garden I would have been out of the door in a flash.

If the US and the UK are prepared to help shoot down Iranian attack drones aimed at Israel, why are they so reticent to do the same with Russian missiles headed for Ukraine?

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Edward Case

Columnist