In space no one can hear you yawn

Voyagers (15, 108 minutes)

I was tempted to call this Lord Of The Flies in space until I read a comment on IMDb that it would be lazy and shallow to do so.

So, in a real scraping the bottom of the barrel week, we have this lazy and shallow hour and 48 minutes of your life that you’re never getting back showing up exclusively on Sky Movies, the modern equivalent of straight to video.

With the earth’s resources running out scientists begin the search for a new planet and eventually find one able to sustain human life.

Problem is it’s going to take 86 years to get there.

So in a plot that belongs in a film from around 1969, it is decided to breed a crew from scratch (in plastic bags apparently from the opening credits) who will be trained through childhood and into adolescence to function through their entire lifespan in the confines of a giant spacecraft and procreate (it’s unclear whether this is supposed to be by the natural method or if they have a job lot of plastic bags on board) so that their grandchildren will be the ones to actually reach the new planet.

But when some of them find that the blue drink dispensed daily is a suppressant to make them compliant and stop taking it, teenage hormones begin to take over.

Colin Farrell, as the crew’s erstwhile father figure lasts barely 40 minutes, which hardly justifies his top billing, and I expect he was counting the days until his time on set was over and he could wipe the entire experience from his memory.

Meanwhile, if Isaac Hempstead Wright actually had to audition for his three lines of dialogue background part, things have really become desperate for Bran Stark post Game of Thrones.

Performances are as empty as space itself, although one suspects (or is that hopes?) Lily-Rose Depp, daughter of Johnny and French singer Vanessa Paradis, is capable of more.

RATING: 3/10


Mick Ferris

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