Irresistible six appeal

What have we come to when social media apps going down for six hours is national news?

OK, the YA’s website stories couldn’t be posted onto arse-about-Facebook for most of the day, but I also didn’t have to put up with videos of some woman with Bob Dylan Subterranean Homesick Blues cue cards saying she’s about to tell her husband something terrible when he’s sat right behind her, apparently oblivious to the no I can’t, oh I must performance going on right under his nose.

For six whole hours I was saved from anti vaxxers and COVID conspiracists, from claims that eating meat gives you brain cancer, from asinine questions like “What ingredient spoils any meal?” (it’s garlic by the way – hideous smelly stuff) and “What’s the best Simply Red album?” (is that an oxymoron? Martine McCutcheon did the world a favour when she threw up in his dreadlocks [allegedly], say I).

For around 360 minutes I was saved from life affirming tripe telling me that I’m a strong independent woman.

No one was trolled, cyber bullied or even called a dick for expressing the opinion that Deep Purple’s 1972 live album Made In Japan is just OK and certainly not the best thing since we won the war.

For 21,600 or so seconds our every keystroke was not being monitored Big Brother-like to target us with taste specific advertising and marketing.

Don’t know about you, but I take that as a win.

I do love those baby panda videos though.

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It’s a sign of how bad Newcastle United fans have had it that they can take to the streets in celebration over despised former Magpies owner Mike Ashley’s departure, even though he has effectively been replaced by Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, the man accused in a 2019 UN report of ordering the death of journalist Jamal Khashoggi in the Saudi embassy in Turkey three years ago, although this has been steadfastly denied by the country.

Puts a whole new light on rumours that head coach Steve Bruce is about to get the chop, doesn’t it?

Questions are being asked over how the £300m deal, which makes the black and whites the richest club in the Premier League, got through the terms and conditions for sale.

The league grey suits insist that the takeover has been carried out by PIF, Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund (of which the crown prince is chairman) rather than the kingdom of Saudi Arabia itself (of which the crown prince runs the government for his father) and insist that legally binding conditions have been put in place to prevent the country from having any involvement in the club.

PIF? PFFF!

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On Tuesday, William Shatner – yes, Captain James T Kirk – will become the oldest man to go into space when the 90-year old actor/director is a passenger aboard Jeff Bezos’s Blue Origin suborbital rocket.

No matter what I think about filthy rich boys and their toys, or that the straight up and down flight will last barely 10 minutes, I must admit there’s something about the skipper of the USS Enterprise actually becoming an astronaut, and a record breaking one at that, which tugs at the heart strings a bit.

But I do think that when he lands, everyone should be wearing Planet of the Apes masks.

Stupid TV quiz answers of the week:

Mastermind? There must be some mistake..

Q: Who was the manager of the Sex Pistols

A: Robert Maxwell

Q: Which part of a house is referred to in cockney rhyming slang as “apples and pears”?

A: Toilet?

And back to Tipping Point:

Q: Willie Whitelaw served in the cabinet of which Conservative prime minister?

A: Labour?

Q: The song America comes from which musical?

A: Westlife Story?

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Edward Case

Columnist