It’s all kicking off again

The new football season has begun and what have we learned from the first weekend of Premier League action?

Well. Manchester United found that the more things change, the more they stay the same and Spurs learned that they maybe didn’t need to spend all that money on Richarlison because the only way he’s getting into that starting line up is if the rules change to 12-a-side.

Meanwhile, West Ham were looking distinctly like last year’s model and at my team, Wolves, head coach Bruno Lage’s decision to sacrifice our talismanic skipper Conor Coady (I can’t begin to tell you how angry I am about that) in favour of a flat back four is already looking like he could be on a plane back to Portugal before Erik ten Hag does a u-turn on Ronaldo or finally accepts that Frenkie de Jong is just not coming.

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If Rishi Rich is so sure about how to navigate the worsening cost of living crisis, why didn’t he stick around long enough to put his plan into action instead of knifing Boris in the back?

Meanwhile, the Queen will interrupt her summer at Balmoral to meet the new prime minister when it happens.

I wouldn’t bother luv, I can’t see either of them being around long enough for it to matter. Best wait until the next one comes along.

Hopefully it won’t be Kier Starmer, the political version of Milton Keynes – so many roads, absolutely no sense of direction.

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The US moved ever closer to a second civil war this week as the FBI raided Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago property in Florida, searching for highly classified and sensitive documents allegedly taken from the White House when he left office.

This is the first time that a former president has had federal agents turn up at the doorstep with a warrant, but unfortunately it can only strengthen Trump’s support amongst flag waving, gun toting Republican rednecks as, even though he was at Trump Towers in New York at the time, it gives him another opportunity to play the martyr.

Meanwhile, for the dirty baseball cap and sweaty t-shirt wearing inbreds who blindly follow every twisted utterance that spews from his lying mouth (including the result of the last election) it’s further fuel to the fire and they ready themselves for the next attempt to take the Capitol Building should their hero be prohibited from standing again in 2024.

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Great to see Ozzy Osbourne and Tony Iommi playing together at the closing ceremony of the Commonwealth Games in Brum.

Not great that the BBC News website referred to it as Ozzy Osbourne and his band Black Sabbath (no sign of Geezer or Bill – it would have been the perfect opportunity – and it’s not Ozzy’s band anyway).

That level of lazy, uninformed journalism just winds me up.

Commentary of the week:

From Match Of The Day

Alan Shearer: Look at the space he’s in. Why don’t you come on over…

Ian Wright (sings): Valerie

Quote of the week:

Kay Burley: “Will the real Liz Truss please stand up?”

And about 30 seconds later: “I will just point our that you’re still sat down.”

Stupid TV quiz answers of the week

Tipping Point:

Q: Benidorm is in which Mediterranean country?

A: Croatia?

Q: Which Channel Island is the largest?

A: The Falklands?

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Edward Case

Columnist