It’s not you, it’s… no, actually it IS you

TV advertising, more so than print which is not subliminal, is supposed to make us want to buy. They are created by agencies who look at every trigger they can pull within our subconscious to get their product to register positively in our minds.

So, with that being the case, how do they explain Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Daisy Mark Jacobs? Fair enough, I’m hardly its target audience but unless there’s a hidden single frame message saying “buy this crap” amid the faux 1960s hippy trippy prancing about in a field scene, it’s just annoying and surely no incentive for anyone to spend their money.

I’ve said before about the Lloyd’s Bank ad which uses a Carpenters song with a wrong chord that is pure torture for me and now there’s another one. The new Citroen C4 TV ad uses the gospel song Oh Happy Day and misses out an all important E7 chord in the verse, which grates on me like fingernails down a blackboard.

That alone puts me off buying a C4, and I used to have one!

So, is there something I’m not getting here? I can see three possibilities: 1, creating hostile feelings about a product makes you want to buy it; 2, advertising agencies are staffed by idiots who don’t realise how annoying their campaigns are, or – and disturbingly this is the one I’m leaning towards – 3, it’s not them, it’s me.

Can I be the only person who wants to put his foot through the TV screen or stab his ears with knitting needles when these ads come on?

These are extreme reactions to items of no consequence that in the great scheme of things really don’t matter. They are meaningless, but to me it’s like lighting the blue touchpaper and retreating to a safe distance, because at the very least I find myself leaving the room uttering a mouthful of gratuitous expletives that even I find a bit OTT.

I’m not the most patient of people at the best of times, but there are a couple of things (the first being the above examples and the second, the utter dim ignorance of television quiz show contestants) that just press my buttons and take me to a whole other level of irrational inner rage, and that has made me ask a few questions of myself in recent weeks – are there things from my past that prompted similar feelings, which would be indicative of maybe some lifelong sensory issue, or am I just going stir crazy after the events of the past year?

No. Missing out the E7 from Oh Happy Day and giggling Daisy Daisy Daisy incessantly into someone’s ear is enough to send anyone over the edge.

America on trial

The trial of the former Minneapolis police officer accused of killing George Floyd on May 25 last year by keeping his knee on the black man’s neck as he was being arrested is likely to be the biggest reality TV event in the US since the O J Simpson trial of 1995.

Derek Chauvin is accused of second-degree unintentional murder and manslaughter. A lesser charge of third-degree murder was also added and he faces up to a possible maximum 40 years behind bars if found guilty.

Mr Floyd’s family has already been awarded a multi-milion dollar compensation settlement and on the day Chauvin was dismissed from the police force, his wife also petitioned for a divorce.

Also, with filmed evidence of the incident having been all over social media for the past 10 months and the reaction it created worldwide, the right to a fair trial and the need for justice to be seen to be done is going to be a fine balancing act.

Because this isn’t just Derek Chauvin on trial, it’s every police force in the United States – and rightfully so.

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First audience member on last week’s Question Time: “Are we going to be able to go abroad on holiday this year?”

Just take it as a no and get over it, for goodness sake.

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Stupid TV quiz answers of the week:

The Chase

Q: Which athlete won the most medals at the Berlin Olympics?

A: Sebastian Coe

Tipping Point

Q: Which 18th Century highwayman also used the name John Paar?

A: The Scarlet Pimpernel?

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Edward Case

Columnist