I can see it now – some tanned squarehead with a shaved scalp and neck tattoo fresh from a two-week family break in Portugal is walking down the high street when a bespectacled jobsworth in a high vis jerkin approaches to give him a telling off about not wearing a face mask.
I think we all know how that conversation ends.
I’ve deliberately used the most extreme stereotypes here, but just the epithet ‘Covid Marshal’ creates a vivid mental image.
The government would have us think that, somehow, they believe people with no enforcement powers whatsoever are going to persuade covidiots who have already shown no respect for regulations or consideration for others, to suddenly see the error of their ways.
The second spike in the coronavirus I’ve been warning about is upon us and the best Downing Street can come up with is what they probably envisage as a team of comic book super heroes and former special forces operatives on patrol, but will inevitably be obese car park attendant rejects who still live with their mums and long retired PE teachers who turn into little Hitlers once the yellow vest goes on.
Without proper enforcement, the selfish jerks who have been ignoring the rules on social distancing and refusing to wear masks in shops will just carry on regardless with the added boost to their already inflated egos of being able to tell a Covid Marshal to bu***r off.
And that’s the least they can expect from some of the horrible human beings these poor devils are going to be expected to confront.
My preference would be that anyone not wearing a face mask in my local Sainbury’s or Co-op is daubed in red paint from head to toe for a first offence and the word “PRAT” stencilled onto their foreheads in indelible ink if they re-offend.
Asking people to show common sense or not to engage in actions that could be dangerous to others has got us nowhere. It’s why places like Birmingham are back on lockdown.
Leaving it to a group with no powers at all is stupid and downright dangerous.
People are going to get hurt, mark my words.
One.. two.. step.. kick.. suffocate.. complain
With more than 15,500 complaints apparently logged at the time of writing this, I decided I should check out Diversity’s controversial dance routine from the Britain’s Got Talent semi final broadcast on ITV last weekend.
I suppose one could argue that one of the most mainstream family shows on British TV is not the place to be making a statement through interpretive dance which includes a white guy dressed as an American cop with his knee on choreographer Ashley Banjo’s neck, but if that wasn’t the time or the place, when is?
If someone could come up with a more convenient time that fits in with their sensibilities, maybe ITV could repeat it for them.
The overall message behind the routine seemed, to me anyway, to be about the nightmare of the year so far and how we can make the world we come back to after Covid-19 a better place than the one we left. If I have any reservations at all it was the use of a child at the beginning.
I must admit I was expecting much worse.
I didn’t see it as anything other than a call for solidarity, equality and mutual respect.
Remember Diversity are as the name says. There are white dancers in the group too. They may be in the minority, but that means nothing for a troupe that moves as one and has built a huge fan base as a result.
Surely our outrage should be saved for what we see transpiring daily in our news programmes, not a four-minute dance segment on an entertainment show.
Stupid TV quiz answer of the week
There was, of course, a stupid answer this week with:
Q: What do you call a camel with one hump?
A: A lama
But by far the funniest was on The Chase –
Q: Which of these is a nebula located in the constellation Draco?
From a multi-choice answer, contestant Stella chose ‘Camel’s Toe’!
Now I did a couple of gigs with Bradley about 30 years ago and I can tell you his reaction was to be expected.