The summer of our discontent

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“Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland away. Only dimly aware of a certain unease in the air”

There’s a couple of reasons why Boris Johnson’s announcement last week on a relaxing of lockdown rules may have lacked clarity for some.

It didn’t help that when 7pm finally rolled along on Sunday, what the prime minister actually said bore little resemblance to what Sky News and the BBC had been reporting that he was going to say for the previous 12 hours.

In a nutshell then:

  • We need to keep social distancing – so…
  • If you can’t work from home, then if you can get there by foot or bicycle, off you go, but the responsibility for any consequences lies with us – or you to be more precise, you..
  • If you must lie in a park or on a beach, go ahead, but the responsibility for any consequences lies with US (YOU!)
  • Need to see your family? OK, but one at a time and THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY CONSEQUENCES LIES WITH US/YOU!

Plans to reopen schools in June and the leisure industry by July are, as with the above, completely dependent on the infection numbers falling.

There’s more but I would rather trap my genitals in my zip than try to explain it to people who had already decided it was going to be unclear before the fat blonde bloke even opened his mouth last week.

The extent to which we take advantage of those initial concessions is for us to decide on because we’re grown ups, apparently, we can tie our own shoelaces and we’re supposed to have a modicum of common sense.

Which, unfortunately, is where the Government’s entire exercise falls apart – for example: Hyde Park on Saturday.

Add to that their preoccupation with meaningless slogans like STAY ALERT and they’ve not exactly done themselves any favours.

Purely for safety’s sake, I would have preferred for lockdown to have continued with even stricter penalties for at least a couple more weeks before trying this out as, thanks to the idiots who have already been behaving as if nothing is wrong or who think it’s all some plot to rob us of our rights (yes, YOU Corbyn major), it has disaster written all over it.

I certainly don’t feel comfortable with the idea of my eldest granddaughter going back to school next month. At least the others have until September.

Not clear enough? Maybe they should write it down in crayon.

“You better stay home and do what you’re told. Stay out of the road if you want to to get old”

Sheep by Pink Floyd 1977

Match of the day

This would have been the last weekend of the Premier League season if not for the pandemic and although there is a chance that it can still be completed, it will almost certainly be done behind closed doors, which is a great shame for Liverpool fans, who have been waiting a long time for their team to become English champions again.

But with the Reds so close – needing just six more points to wrap it up – and the alternative being to declare the 2019/20 campaign null and void, it’s definitely the lesser of the two evils.

Some would say that in the present climate none of it matters, but sport, and in particular football, plays a vital role in society. Yes it’s tribal but it brings entertainment to millions and goodness knows we need something to look forward to.

My beloved Wolves were top 6 and in the quarter finals of the Europa Cup when lockdown happened. We were on a roll and I was daring to dream that we could actually win European silverware this year.

I still live in hope.

Stupid TV quiz answer of the week

The Chase. This guy managed to score 0 on his cashbuilder round.

Q: Which model of Fiat car is the Italian for the number one?

A: Punto?

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Edward Case

Columnist